Quaestio II: Ever Felt Like Father Christmas?

And now for something completely different. It'sssss...

Time for a bit of priestly poetry:

Whatever be thy Sacred Quest
Which stops thee taking too much rest,
Dost ever thou both hear and see
That someone stands - a sentry he!
A-glaring, scaring, rags a-wearing
Foul and fix'd with motives mix'd -
'Twixt thee and priestly sanctity?

And might she look a bit like barmy Bridgekeeper Terry Gilliam, saying:

Stop! Answer me these questions three
Ere the Other Side you see:

1. Wwwwhat is the Christian name of every worshipper in your parish (even those who've never told you)?
2. Wwwwhat are the quests - erm - needs of every worshipper in your parish (even those they've never told you)?
3. Wwwwhat is your favourite posture for exercising your psychic - erm - priestly gifts (like Clairvoyance, best done on your knees - where I also record my visions as rubrics)?
   

Right. Hmm... Let's see, there's Aaron, Abigail, Adam, Adrian, Adrianne, Ann...needa? No wait...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Fallen have you, Vicar? For goodness' sake! The shame of it! Really, Vicar!

It seems you didn't know the one 'twixt thee and priestly sanctity' isn't a barmy Bridgekeeper.

It's a smarmy Scorekeeper! Her name - and well should you know it, Vicar, for she certainly knows yours - is Anita. Her surname is Lott. Like you, Vicar, she has a title, you know: Mrs.

Mrs Anita Lott, that most querulous parish reticent - erm - resident.

Her needs - and well should you know them, Vicar- are numerous. Each is more troublesome than the last. But apparently you forgot - erm - failed to know her latest need, though again she failed - erm - forgot to mention it. Because that poor, specious - erm - precious lamb, Mrs Anita Lott, is in hospital for a hip surgery... since last Tuesday!

For goodness' sake! The shame of it! Really, Vicar!

You've been neglecting her! You must pray that she'll forgive you lest she and those in whom she confides further malign God, the Church - and lastly you!

And you must assure her it shall never happen again! To ensure you keep that priestly vow, you must pray to be infused with the psychic - erm - priestly gift of clairvoyance!

And who's our most adept Intercessor, Vicar?

Father Christmas, of course.

So setting aside all sacrilege - erm - satire, I'm dead serious about the Holy Gift and this Sacred Quest.

Stop! Answer, you, these questions two:

1. Do you ask every little child's Patron Psychic - erm - Saint, Nicholas of Myra to help you in your quest to earn your Church Commissions' stipend and church parishioners' trust?
2. Do you seek the Holy Gift?

Yes. No. Wait...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Fallen, again Vicar? That really isn't a good sign.

Jolly old Saint Nick already knows your name and needs, and if you've been naughty or nice. So back to your knees and your psychic - erm - priestly duties, Vicar! Back to thy Sacred Quest! And why in God's name are you reading this blog? A blog, Vicar?

For goodness' sake! The shame of it! Really, Vicar!

Stop! Answer, you, these questions two:

1. Don't you have needy little children - erm - parishioners to visit?
2. Are you leaving yet?
   

Yes. No. wait...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Three falls in one reading, Vicar. That just isn't good form now, is it? Perhaps you're the one who needs to be in hospital!

Oh, and while you're there...